Women think that men are shy of commitment, and take too long to express their feelings and commit to a woman. Woman must understand that men are not skilled in the realm of feelings. It is foreign to them…these changing shifting patterns of thought, changing decisions, changing behavior. Men feel very uneasy with feelings.
Women are at home with all these changing, shifting feelings. Many really like to experience emotions. They crave this experience and seek it out. While men run from it.
When a man feels love for a woman, he is not at home with the feeling. At first he may not know that his feeling of love is different from the feeling of lust. In a man’s mind the all feelings blend together. Women are aware of subtle differences in emotions and know clearly what love is.
Men will shy away from expressing a feeling because he is confused. So he pushes the feeling away and tries to act from logic instead of emotion.
This doesn’t turn out well. When a man who expresses feelings intellectually it comes across as insincere and manipulative. He thinks, “ I’ll say ‘I love you’ to make her happy, and to make her like me.” Since the words the man is speaking are not from feelings, but from the mind they appear to be a strategy and woman don’t trust them.
Women trust uninhibited, spontaneous expressions of feeling. Men will try to test their feelings to find out if they are true, so that they can make an intellectual decision.
Men try to add up the pros and cons of a woman by rating her looks, her personality, her emotional stability, and her ability to satisfy him in bed and her value as a status symbol. This masks over the feelings, bringing intellect to the forefront. This makes him less insecure.
When a man starts to judge the woman, most women freak out and panic! Some women buy into this framework thinking. “My nose is too big or my thighs are too fat.” Or she thinks the guy is a total jerk. Either way she allows the man’s framework to define the interaction.
Women don’t need to accept this retreat to the intellect. Successful male-female relationships are based on feelings. Some tips for women:
1. Don’t disqualify yourself. When a man withdraws to his intellect, don’t take it personally. Remember that he is retarded in the realm of feelings.
I had a deep conversation with a woman one time and all of a sudden she turned the conversation to her deep feelings of insecurity about everything concerning our relationship. She felt trapped because___________. She was unhappy because of ____________.
Out poured all these emotions. My first impulse was to run away, because I started to feel very uncomfortable and sensed where this was leading where I didn’t want to go!
But just this once I decided to stay and find out what would happen. She talked and talked. This went on much longer than I expected. I kept getting more and more uncomfortable.
My impulse was to offer a solution to her problem. But every time I tried to suggest something she would somehow dismiss the idea and keep on talking. I realized that she really didn’t want a solution. She just wanted to complain on and on over and over!
She told me she liked the attention. She liked to feel and experience these emotions that had been bottled up for so long. She didn’t want a solution. She didn’t want me to say anything. Just feel for her and with her and give her my emotional support. At the end she was very happy and relieved.
But I was a wreck! I felt very unsettled like I was on shaky ground that was unfamiliar to me. I had a hard time sleeping that night.
This showed me how difficult it was for me to be with her in the realm of feelings. Many men are the same way. We would rather just get out of there when these feelings come up.
2. Women, stand fast on the framework of the interaction with your man as being emotional. He will be uncomfortable at first. But he will feel less insecure if you guide him and give him reassurance. Think of him as a little boy who is frightened. Keep the interaction subjective and emotional. Tell the man, “I feel vulnerable with you. I feel like a little girl around you. You need to treat me like you would treat a little girl, with tenderness.”
3. Don’t look for validation from your man. You will not get it because he is retreating to his intellect. At this point you must stay strong in yourself. If you need some support, talk to a girl friend. Make sure she will be someone who will applaud your good qualities and who is not going to put the blame on your man, saying, ”He is a big jerk.”
If you do any of these things you will be much more likely to achieve a warm loving relationship with your man!
I ended up at Wordpres to help a friend with his site here & thought that while I was here I would erase this very old journal of mine, since I feel this just isn’t me. I may look the same but as far as inside goes, it’s not me.
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