Distance creates more distance. Out of sight out of mind. What “they” (who ever they are) say is that it takes an equal amount of time to get over the loss of a partner as the length of the relationship. Ima be true, break a silence that hurts inside simply because it’s locked in there, express it with risk of hurting somebody else close to me. Though he is rational and self confident enough to not care at all. (Damn I like people like that). I think it’s been exactly 4 years, give or take a few months, since I parted with my ex, a relationship of 4 destructive/disturbing years. Perhaps breaking the silence is the last step, to get rid of any guilt and/or feelings that’s keeping me back. It was a turbulent relationship with many betrayals from his side. After the break up I promised myself that I would never let anyone treat me that way again, and it’s a promise that I’ve kept true to myself. A promise that has been the foundation of building myself up when I got out of the mess.

I know my calling. What I’ve gone through I’ve had to go through to be able to help others. It has given me a good head on my shoulders. Strengthened my heart and given me an attitude that can handle everything thrown at me. Although tears are rarely shed these days and laughter has taken over the sad times of heartache, I do feel a bit emotional right now thinking back on the long road I’ve had to take. With lined up difficulties.

A child that aren’t given a good start in life has some hellish years ahead. To build up everything themselves that they were suppose to have grown up with by loving parents takes years from your life. The parents are literary lining up heartaches for the child when not doing a good job raising what they have put to life. Responsibilies can save lives.

At times a heavy stone weighs down my heart a bit, I suppose I am not completely free. From the burden of an ex. Though time shared was ruled by hatred and tears so a reunion is not something my heart wants. It is not in my best interest, which I today build my life upon. I merely want to heal, completely.


1 Response to “Journey”

  1. 1 excalibur February 22, 2007 at 10:36 am

    makes you think doesn’t it

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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
September 2006
    Oct »

Keep my net



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