I won’t write what this is about, some people who knows me personally understands what I speak of.

Maybe, for my brother (not him whom I met today), I’m a reminder, a subject, about what he doesn’t want to know about our father. Since.. he don’t treat me or my burden (pain) with much, basically any, understanding. It’s hard for him to know the reason to my situation which leads to no understand at all. So, I can’t take this to heart, which I have in the past just until now recently. I need to understand where he is coming from, and I do understand it can be very difficult to have that knowledge as a burden. Cause a tough burden it is. I’m a little emotional right now, close to teary eyed, because I love my brother and I don’t wish any burdens on him. It must be very difficult, and confusing, for him. *Needs to take a deep breath*. I hope and wish that one day we can speak of this and relieve any tension he’s got due to this. Ok literary cries now, I will stop. It just must be so very very hard for him, I’m sorry. It’s not my fault and I don’t take the blame, I’m just sorry that he have to hurt.

I wonder, if he is his mind, have gone through his memories of our today passed father for hints or suggestions and if he’s ever felt that he should have known and could have prevented or put an end to it.


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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
September 2006
    Oct »

Keep my net



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