Nightly burden

I’m a little sad right now, which I don’t want to admit to anyone really. I was gonna sleep and I begun a journey of thoughts on my pillow. It began with thoughts that I feel that, I’ve grown in wisdom but by that also lost myself. That, I am not the same person because knowledge has changed me. But I was thinking that it will settle down in a few days, that this has happened before so I know what it’s about. Then I got to think of that the more often, the more of, I’m with my partner I become even more loyal and I want it to keep go towards that. And then my thoughts were of unfaithfulness (sexually) and that it is something I never want to be and that we see more of eachother goes towards the other direction, becoming closer which prevents unfaithfulness even more, personally. Unfaithfulness brought me memories of the time with my ex. Which is the reason I got sad. After the break up I asked him if he ever had cheated and he admitted to have once. I asked if it were the time that he came home with gifts for me after his week away visiting his cousins and he said yes. I remember the look in his eyes that day, high on heroine trying to make up for it. To be forgiven without having to say what he done. To make up for it so that he himself could feel better. That look is intensively bothering my mind right now, the memory of his eyes is imprinted. Besides the feelings of the betrayal. I just felt I didn’t want to be alone with this and that blogging about it would help and it did. Since it’s 2am there’s none I could call. I think I can fall asleep easier now.


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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
October 2006
« Sep   Nov »

Keep my net



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