This nights thoughts.

At least, today my feelings have the decency to begin to bother me before I’ve gone to sleep. So besides being thankful for that I figure I write them out of my system now before bedtime and I’ll be able to sleep through the whole night peacefully? Sounds fair, right? It is not my intesion to only write about negativity in this blog. So I must explain that I’m usually never negative and always full of laughs and love along with passion for life and lucky to be alive, but atm it’s that time of the month for me. When it passes so does the less positive feelings in me. Actually, I’m not really that much negative but have this sadness in me, like a cloud is hanging over me. That’s what Ima call my pms, my cloud.

So, alright thoughts, what’s the fuzz this time. You’ve left me all of a sudden, deciding to come back when I’ve gone to sleep? Alright.. there you are. Right now it’s difficult that there’s this distance between my partner and I. Not in heart but physically. I need him close and were so far apart that with work and everything we only see eachother during the weekends. But! Tomorrow though I’m going into the City and he gets off at 3:30pm so he is coming with me to help me buy new shoes. He’s got good taste (actually better than me, he spots what I don’t) so he coming along for advice. Would be nice to sit down with him over a dinner, I wish to make that happen, tomorrow. I’ll probably feel better about this tomorrow, and we’ll see eachother this weekend too, it’s only 2 days to go.

Also, the ex, he’s haunting my feelings and not my mind. I duno my he’s making me sad. Even though he’s not around to do anything to make me sad any more. I want to be healthy and I wasn’t with you, why couldn’t you have been a better person towards me? I hope you don’t treat your current chick as you did me, I wish her better than that. Cause you really knew how to be cruel.

I don’t get why some men can’t just find a woman that’s already everything they want and wish for instead of messing up a woman by a controlling and jealous behavior. Some have just gotten to hurt by love to realize that what they actually have got isn’t anywhere near to break his heart and he destroys it by hurt from his past. That’s basically our story summoned up. You hurt me too much because you couldn’t let my past be in the past and you couldn’t trust me. So ofc it was me who couldn’t trust you in the end. Hurt before you gets hurt, huh? That makes me shake my head and thrust my nostrils. How could anyone feel better from that? I don’t get.. for me doing right makes me feel good. How could you fail to see I was different! Angered by that. You fucked it all up. And I did too by being too confused and too weak by my past, which you also took advantage of playing your sick twisted games of manipulation to the fullest. You got it from your mama, huh. Si.. I talk shit about her. But it’s all truth. You know what they say… Don’t act a bitch if you don’t want to be referred to as one. Gosh, this post really extracted my claws. I hope this is enough to satisfy my needs to write this night because I do really want and need a good nights sleep tonight.


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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
October 2006
« Sep   Nov »

Keep my net



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