My Kids

In the future:

I have a dilemma. I will not leave my child(ren) to any daycare but I can’t deprive my children of friends and social skills. I refuse to let my children out of sight until they are 8. Daycares aren’t safe from perdofiles and I have seen so much that brings that seen (daycare) terror to my eyes. They don’t care when children cry theyr eyes out, the child is all alone. I have witnessed yelling (cussing) and seen unessisary minor physical violence.

There simply is no way that I am leaving my child with anyone.
Daycares aren’t the only place where there’s pedofiles. I won’t leave my child to any
family member on my side nor the fathers side. . I feel even if they are not pedofiles
(but who can know for sure and I’m not putting my kids in risk) they might not keep
their eyes on the child as I would and thereby they can get hurt by someone else.

So many things, far more than I’ve written down, are reasons to why I am not leaving my children with anyone.

Social skills, dilemma. I know when I was suppose to be going to daycare and I didn’t want to be there so my mum had to quit trying in the end. It sure did not do good for my social skills.

This entry was written in haste. I don’t have time to spell-check or gramar check.

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4 Responses to “My Kids”


  1. 1 Alabaster Crippens October 21, 2006 at 11:26 am

    Don’t take this as an attack, but I think you are being over protective, and this may in itself cause more problems for your kids as they develop than lack of socialising. They may grow up being afraid of any new and unknown situations. I don’t know really, I’m no developmental psychologist and won’t pretend to be, but I’m pretty sure that your family will look after your kids well enough, just do it for short periods of time, gradually getting longer as you become more confident. Maybe they can’t look after them as well as you will, but (and please, I’m not trying to instil anger here) maybe you look after them too much. i think you overestimate the presence of paedophilia in the world out there. Yes, it does exist, but it is also blown out of proportion by the media. Also, in the UK at least (I don’t know about where you are) the checks that are done to ensure that dangerous people cannot get jobs in childcare are rigorous (there have been high-profile failures, but they are a rarity). Anyway, I think you have to get over your own fears, and avoid passing them on to your children.

    Again, please don’t take this as an attack, I can’t imagine what its like having children, but I know what its like to look after my neice and nephew, and that is terrifying. I’ve always been so scared that something could happen if I take my eyes off them for even a second, but nothings happened, and as time’s gone by I’ve felt more able to look after them for my sister. I care about my neice and nephew very much, and I’m sure its only a fraction of what you feel for your kids, but I think you are too scared for them. The world is a terrible place sometimes, that’s true, but only sometimes. Don’t mistrust everybody because of an invisible minority of perverts.

    Apologies if you take offence, I assure you I mean well

  2. 2 solelyshe October 21, 2006 at 1:04 pm

    Not taking it as an attack. So don’t worry about that.

    There are more people that hurt children in the world than many wish to know and therefore they deny it, cause they can’t handle it. It is not me being over protected, seriously, with all that I’ve seen. I am realistic.

    I have met many women who are grown today who have been sexually abused as a child, only in my own town. And I too have been sexually abused for many years as a child, but please don’t use that against me. For because of it I am not over protected, but because of everything I know, seen, heard, I am realistic.

    I do not overestimate the presence of paedophilia in the world out there. Perhaps if you do not think about it much, you do not see all that the media presents of it. Do you know there’s cases of it in every second building of 40 apartments.

    I know what false confidence we can be led in to (As humans) and not expect anything wrong. Cause it all goes so well, and we become less “careful” and that’s when it can happen.

    I am scared, but not too scared. As I wrote.. I am realistic, always, in everything, so also this.

    And, I do not have kids yet. I was writing a future dilemma.

    It is not only the risk of my (future) children being victims of paedophilia that I do not wish to send them to daycare. If it is in the US as you write, fantastic!: I wish I lived there. I’m residing in Sweden and here (I CANNOT believe why) they are not as carefull. Other than paedophilia; There’s a daycare center in my area where I walk by every day with the dog and often see children crying their eyes out and the daycare staff who’s also out on the yard doesn’t even look to see what’s wrong, they just stand chatting with eachother and don’t care. I am not saying that children should be over protected or babied but ask what’s up, u know. Make them think about happier things, help them. Don’t ignore them. Another time someplace else I spotted children being out on a walk with their staff and because one girl didn’t walk in line she grabbed her and swinged her to the ground and just kept on yelling loud at the child.

    There is so much that I can write about these things. But I’m leaving it at this, since it’s already so much. I am not having my children being treated that way.
    Ones again.. I’m realistic.

    About leaving my kids in the care of any family member, it is no option. It was a family member that abused me, and most times in the world it is someone close to the family that hurts your child. Only person I could consider, for a while, is with my mother, but only in her home and with no one else there.

    I will not project my fear onto them. I know better than that. I would not want my children to be scared, I am wiser than to do that to them. I do however want them to be aware of that we as a family must take care of eachother and do give people credit but not to be gullible. And more, there’s so much to say.

    But with this said, I still have my dilemma. For I do not wish to cause them pain. They need social training.

    I do however understand how it is easy to read my post and believe that is words from an over protected mother.

    This reply is no attack back.
    Thanks for you comment.

  3. 3 Alabaster Crippens October 21, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    I don’t think I do underestimate the amount of child abuse that happens. But i do think that 1 in 80, while an unnacceptable (not to mention shocking) figure (1 in a million is an unacceptable figure, even 1 in a billion), is not enough to run the risk of damaging the socialization of your future children, and over-protection is not the best response. I agree that daycare is probably not the best course of action, especially if it is as unregulated as you suggest. (My significant is warning me that I may be being insensitive here, and I apologise, I really am just trying to help and learn here). Daycare can be well run but, as you point out often isn’t…screening for paedophiles is one thing, but you’re right…the care is not best given by financially motivated institutions.
    I agree that I made snap judgements in my first response, i apologise. Child abuse of all forms is a nightmarish and terrible thing, and yes, it can (and often does) come from within the family, but what I am trying to say is that if you are simply careful about choosing the right situations, and people you leave the children in the care of, then you can absolutely minimise this risk. Surely there are events and things more suited to supervised socialisation, for example where you know there is a number of at least fairly trustworthy adults around, who are watching each other as well as the children.
    It is an incredibly difficult issue, but I think its important to be balanced about this. ‘Risk-assessment’ and calculating ‘acceptable risk’ is an awful thing to do in regard to children and parenting, but it kind of has to be done. Just like throughout life, there is always risk attached to any behaviour, here its a question about balancing the differing risks, causing socialisation issues or a cotton wrapped child versus the risk of abuse. I can’t believe I’m writing this, it actually makes me feel really hollow inside to be so detached, but I think to an extent its neccesary. Anyway, I think I might be crossing lines here, so I’m going to stop, sorry if I’ve caused ofence. And like I say, no amount of child abuse is ‘acceptable’, whatever the situation.
    Sorry again.

  4. 4 solelyshe October 21, 2006 at 2:35 pm

    You are absolutely correct. You don’t have to apologize for your words. And as sad as I might feel right now because of fear that anything could happen to my children, I do agree. Thank you for your words, they are helpfull.


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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at www.imood.com

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A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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