I thought I would write a little about depression.

I guess I’ve lived with it.. umm.. forever, just that I didn’t know it until I saw a doctor about problems I was having.
Sounds weird, maybe.
But not to me.
He was specialised on the subject and immediately saw tell tell signs on my face,
in addition to how I presented myself.
Usually what it takes is a bone marrow test to find out,
I’m glad I didn’t have to take one, I hear they hurt like hell.
I don’t know if there’s only one sort of depression, I ‘m not doctor.
But they explained to me that a substance in my brain was very low and that was the reason to my depression.
I don’t know the name of it, I just know that it exists in the fruit banana.
But ofc not eating a billion bananas could fill that substance up.

I have had to deal with so many in my surrounding that disliked it, taking the pills I mean.
The one who was the most against it was my ex and his reason was that I would get strong enough to leave him, that’s a confession of treating me bad if any.

I was scared at first, afraid that the pills would make me lose control over myself.
I didn’t know what would happen.
Today all I have to say is that they gave me control.
And.. I’m glad I tried.

I suppose it’s hard for many to understand that depression is not always something you can snap out of, many don’t know what it is.

I guess I can’t explain either what it is, a tleast not in medical terms.
Only out from my own experience with it.
But I won’t, it is too private for me.
To say to anyone that I don’t know, what it did to me.

Finishing up.. I guess I should say that I don’t write this or anything else for pitty.
There are people for everything, and sure to believe that.
I only use this journal for my own well being, even if some things are too private to write.
I shouldn’t defent myself, for I know the truth and it’s enough with that.
But I explained for myself, I don’t like unessicary foul comments.

As always.. a relief comes over me after writing.

But also concern, I don’t know why.

But leaves it at this.


4 Responses to “Depression”

  1. 1 mrdeadworry October 24, 2006 at 8:58 pm

    The substance would probably be seritonin. And you would have taken an selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Paxil or Prozac possibly. There are many onthers.
    Yeh, been there and done that.

  2. 2 solelyshe October 24, 2006 at 9:09 pm

    Lol, cute. So oh, you have? Well mines called Cipralex, it’s one of it’s kind; it’s amazing. It doesn’t compare. Nothing bad comes from it, only possitive. Well except for dry throat 🙂

  3. 3 mrdeadworry October 25, 2006 at 1:37 am

    Really, a lot of the drugs nowadays are derivatives of already existing drugs. Meaning that the change the orientation of the molecules. So basically the same drug but they (the chemists) tweak the drug.
    I am glad that you do not have any problems with the drug Cipralex. I had problems with Paxil. It used to put me to sleep. Otherwise it was a good drug. Prozac on the other hand caused my anxiety to go through the roof. I would talk about it more but I am not as public a person as you are. I have problems talking about my personal life. If you want to talk about it I would do it off blog.
    Now I do not take any medication. I have learned that it is up to me to make myself a better person and that it is up to me to make myself happy. Not always easy but it is true. Regardless of the bad things in my past, the present is up to me and only me. (Remember that). I make myself happy and content. It is not as easy as it sounds, believe me. It is, however, the truth.
    The medication, however, got me through the tough part and I am glad for it. remember that it is not the answer just a helper. The answer is belief in yourself. Not the belief that other people think that you are bad or good. It is only the belief in yourself that matters. And you should believe in yourself. You have a lot to give. More than you think. Do not let any one take that away from you.

  4. 4 solelyshe October 25, 2006 at 10:36 am

    This Cipralex: If not doing anything, it is a very slow process. But the good thing is that these pills pushes you into the right direction. They help you with things. And if not starting doing what you should when the pills are pushing you feel really confused and not so okay. It is important with these pills to be social, the results come faster by that. That they push you forward, give you that push that you need, is something I find great. My doctor told me that there is not a person that hasn’t gotten well when using them as described. They bring you out from the deep dark hollow that you are in, when depressed. You ride on them out to the light, I supose is the best way to describe it. Being so effective, and I have tried others before, is why I recomend it if any.

    I tried it’s cousin, Cipramil, and it only made me feel as if I wasn’t a part of life, but stood and watched everything pass by. It was awful and scary.

    Yeah we need help with the worse part. Much is up to us aswell. That’s why I found Cipralex so good.. it helps me doing things for myself. I couldn’t do it with only believing in myself.

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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
October 2006
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