The Return.

I didn’t expect it to return. The images before my closed eyes.

Why are they back. What made them come back.

In the midst of falling asleep the obsession made me twist and turn
until I felt I couldn’t take it anymore and had to open my eyes and
get out of the bed which felt like a prison.
Relieved  to stand up but mad that this should decide if I would sleep or not.

Didn’t you know you’d give your daughter nightmares for the rest of her life.
Make her twist and turn out of disgust and forever be on her run.
One can’t run away from what’s inside.
You cursed me.

We don’t scar the ones we love.
Which leads me to believe in something that your sister (my aunt) once told me.
You were hurt badly yourself as a child.
So why did you hurt me, if you knew the pain.
You couldn’t help yourself?
You didn’t love me?

Yet, why have they returned. I did great for a while.


5 Responses to “The Return.”

  1. 1 muffinsnail November 2, 2006 at 7:27 am

    Hi there,

    I have been reading your blog recently and I really love your blog, just have not formally say hello to you, and I “stole” one of the image from your blog to make my header. :s Hope you don’t mind. 🙂

    I didn’t make those beads, but they are quite nice aren’t they? 🙂 I like reading your entries, it’s good to feel that I am a woman. 🙂

  2. 2 muffinsnail November 2, 2006 at 7:32 am

    Hi there,

    I have been really enjoy reading your blog, I love your blog a lot! Actually I have even “stole” one of the image on your blog. :S Hope you don’t mind.

    I didn’t make the beads, but they are beautiful aren’t they? 🙂

    I love reading your blog, it’s good to feel that I am a woman. 🙂

  3. 3 solelyshe November 3, 2006 at 1:01 am

    Hi yourself! 🙂

    I’m glad you find something here that you can relate to. I don’t mind, but thank you for telling me.

    Yes, very beautiful. I love the art painted onto them.

  4. 4 moonweaver November 4, 2006 at 10:43 pm

    It is really interesting to read about your nightmares.
    The way how you write about it makes the whole think more complex.
    You need to deal with your nightmares and understand them.
    Maybe you can metaprogramm yourself to your happy level again…

  5. 5 solelyshe November 5, 2006 at 12:01 am

    Thank you. However.. this post isn’t actually about any nightmares. Having actually written of nightmares previously, I do understand them. Though my nightmares does not often bother me during the days so it isn’t a problem.

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Hi and welcome. This is my journal where I can find a peace of mind. Perhaps teach myself something. I escape here to unwind, cry or complain, or share my joy. Hope you enjoy your stay.

The current mood of mixedpearl at


A 27 year old womans attempt to understand herself and the rest of the world. Difficult to explain myself with only a few words, you decide from the words in my journal. I suppose I am trying to find my strength through this so I think I am a bit confused, I'm quite emotional and very loving though I at times may seem very cold.

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A rather new blog but not a new blogger. From Swedish decent, this blog will contain both languages.
November 2006
« Oct   Dec »

Keep my net



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